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Is There a 12-Step Group for Facebook Addiction?
By Teresa Roberts Logan
I waited a long time to get involved in the MyFace/SpaceBook revolution. But now, I'm waaaaay in. Facebook has me. And I have it.
The great thing about Facebook is that it helps you get in touch with peeps you never thought you'd be in touch with again.
The horrific thing about Facebook is that it helps you get in touch with peeps you never thought you'd be in touch with again.
Your contemporary work colleagues can meet your high school crush, and your mom can meet club comics you worked with ten years ago. Your church peeps can meet your tax guy, who can meet comedy fans you met after a tough show in Idaho. Oy.
There's that whole "worlds colliding" thing where people you never thought would see or meet each other, now have, and you feel somehow obligated to officiate, much like a good hostess at a party. But, in FB-land, you cannot keep your unsuspecting shy friend who's going through a hard time away from the over-sharing narcissist who's had too much to drink. With a click, it is done, there is no playing the good hostess and pulling the offender aside to help you refresh the hummus bowl, no shoving him outside to check out Orion's Belt. Click. Lock.
Your familial relationships can be enhanced, damaged, or just barely maintained. It's up to you.Your teenage son can ignore you in yet another way. This is good for teens, gives them that false sense of power, while of course, you have access to their little wall writings. Not that I do that. Well, not every day. (I can say what I want here, he's a teenager, he also ignores my blog.) I'm just saying one could spy bigtime, if one were of that persuasion. You can write cute notes to your hubby. Don't make them too cute. I might have to write something smart-alecky on your wall. Because I would be compelled. You can encourage your buds, say hi to relatives, and plan various and sundry gatherings and activities.
"Let's have a Books and Margaritas group!"
"Maybe we could get the cast back together from our high school production of The Fantastiks!"
"Let's synchronize our watches and everybody cough at church at 10:40 this Sunday!"
You could do that! Arrange on Facebook to get everyone to play a joke on the pastor, by coughing, Tweeting, or crossing yourselves simultaneously one Sunday morning. Which would be weird for me, because I'm a Baptist attending a Presbyterian church! We don't even know how to cross ourselves but for watching reruns of Van Helsing! Also, I guess I'm not a very good Baptist, or I wouldn't be starting a Books and Margaritas group! Sans Books, truth be told.
You can create a fan page for yourself or for your book. My book had one, my publisher did it. There it was, "The Older I Get, The Less I Care." There were 2 million followers. I don't know how that happened. So proud I am. Talk like Yoda, I do. My book's fan page made me feel important and independent, sorta like a teenager with a VisaBuxx card. But, one day it disappeared. I probably hit a verboten button with my clumsy fingers.
And the funny thing is, almost everyone I know loves Facebook. We love checking in, doing the status updates, posting pix, informing people they have a cyber-stalker.
Thing is, you know you're spending too much time on Facebook when you start thinking and speaking in third person, like in the Status Updates. You fill in the "What's on your mind?" question with a running third person narrative of your life.
"Teresa Roberts Logan enjoyed her four-mile walk but was nearly trampled to death by many frightened ignoramus deer."
"Teresa Roberts Logan loves driving her Dodge Ram pickup and listening to Billy Idol on her iPod!"
"Teresa Roberts Logan jumps on carbs like white on rice! HA!"
(Yes, you can even laugh at your own Status Updates.)
We'll know it has gone too far when we start speaking, out loud, with the royal "We."
Oops.
Teresa Roberts Logan is a comic/cartoonist/writer whose standup has been featured on "Thou Shalt Laugh", "Bananas", "Evening at the Improv", and Comedy Angels." Also a cartoonist and an artist, she is typing this quickly so she can check her Facebook page and renew her Status Update. She has done a kabillion greeting cards, and still loves doing it. Her website is www.LaughingRedhead.com and her book of cartoons is "The Older I Get, The Less I Care," published by Andrews McMeel Publishing. It is available at Amazon.com, BarnesandNoble.com, on your Kindle, and sometimes at a table after my comedy shows :-)
